I want to scream, to cry, to throw things, to stab a b*tch. 

 

Kyle and I decided to get married on Friday, that morning my roommate had sent me photo’s of his screen of a girl from work sending him things such as “I still smell like you” “Do I get to see you tonight?” “I lovers you”.

I was so torn between getting upset and yelling at him, or just ignoring it. I just showed him the photo and asked him to explain.  To be honest I didn’t believe he was telling me the truth.  I didn’t think he was necessarily lying either. I accepted it as it was, he has slept with her before he and and I were together. She was crazy. I asked him to cut her off and he did without argument.  I made him take a picture of our rings and send them to her and tell her he’s done.

So why the f*ck did this b*tch show up at work today and tell management that she’s pregnant and it’s his. I am so angry.  At her, at him, at myself. I love this man, it’s why I let myself believe him. I keep trying to tell myself she’s crazy and lying. But I don’t know if I believe it. I’m so angry that she gets a baby before me. I’m angry that she is trying to rip us apart. I’m angry that three days ago,  I didn’t have this stress in my life. I tried so hard to be calm when he told me. I even let him know that if she is, we as in he and I, will help her. He told her this and she flipped sh*t. She kept going on about how I have nothing to do with this, it’s her baby. And she’s right.

He keeps telling me that I’m the one he chose, I’m the one he gave his life to, I’m the one he loves. But I can’t help but feel like I made a mistake. I can’t help but regretting rushing into this. I love being his wife, I love the idea of being with him forever. But I can’t get the word divorce out of my head. I can’t stand the utter loneliness I feel right now. It hurts so much.

I sent him over to her house, with one of my pregnancy test. I’m terrified of it being positive. I haven’t wanted to drink in months, but all  I want right now is a very big glass the whole bottle of wine.

I know marriage isn’t easy. I had no idea I’d consider divorce within the first three days.

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